[BrockBaby]

I have been thinking about something since my visit with my bmom last night. As some of you know, I am an adoptee, who was reunited with her bmom last April. It has been a battle.Yes, that's what I would call it...and I try and try..but just when it seems I have come to some sort of "peace" something else happens.

Last night, as I was visiting my bmom, and other times I've visited with her as well, she says things that are just not very nice to me. She tells me all the time I am conceited, I don't even know how to spell it, let alone be it! LOL I don't understand why she says this...cause when she says things like, Oh you look nice today or something I usually respond with..ummm thanks, but I don't feel that way. (cause I am usually visiting after a long day at work) Anyway...last night she started that, and then was like...OH I could just slap you!!!! And I was like, "why?" and she was like, because I can. And I am like, No, I don't think so. And she made comments like, Well had I raised you you wouldn't be like that. I would have slapped it out of you. (she made that comment after I checked my phone...and she was like..why do you have to do that, do you think you are important?!?! Which I laughed and said, yeah. And that of course prompted more needs of me being slapped....and I was like, I own two businesses and they call me often with questions, concerns, ect....UGH!) So then she kept things up like that, and was like I LOVE GETTING A REACTION OUT OF YOU!!! First off, I wasn't reacting, which is the funny part...I would just give her a look like "are you serious?!"

I do not know why she does this....she said she liked messing with me!!!!! Yet, the moment I "joked" with her, she got ALL mad!!!!!!!! And it got to the point where she was threatening me...because I said to her, When you act that way towards me it makes me want to step back into myself. And she took that as me threatening her......which I explained that I got quiet when people start treating me like she did....and she was like...WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING NOW IF YOU THINK YOU WILL LEAVE HERE AND JUST DECIDE NOT TO COME BACK FOR A WHILE YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME BACK AT ALL......I wanted to soooo badly stand up and say..OKAY GOOD BYE!!! But I didn't, because that's not me. There were some other VERY hurtful things she said to me, but she claims I am the one being hurtful. She said to me, do you just come here to hurt me, because when she said she wanted to go smoke (mind you she's in a nursing home for MS, I guess..not sure exactly...) I was like..I thought you were going to quit because it's not good for you....well she was like Cig. are all I have...and so that is what started it all!

I am sooo sorry this a ramble...I just feel so confused about what to do.....as bmom's do you have the "urge" to do those kinds of things to your children?!?!? I don't understand it at all...and I'm trying to. Yet, at the same time, I'm not sure how much more of this drama I can take.....