[sstuart]

I often believed that death and adoption had similarities and by some degree they do, but after going to the service for a 14 year old in my son's school, I now have a change of heart. I believe that they are not nearly as similar as I once thought. The biggest similarity I believe starts with it being an extremely painful experience.
Just so we are clear my adoption was a closed adoption.

With the death of a child you are surrounded by loved ones that are there to support you and grieve with you. You are allowed to grieve openly and it usually doesn't make anyone uncomfortable, it is expected. Only with faith in a superior being will you have the chance to see that child again. It is forever, it is the end of a life.

With closed adoption, I was alone--during my pregnancy, during my delivery and much of the time afterward. I was treated horribly by hospital staff. I was called a whore by my mother's fiance. No one grieved with me, and I was expected to get over it and move on. I was not ever expected to see my child again, but there was always that hope. And now 22 years later I have reunited and it is wonderful. My child is still alive, I can see her and I can touch her. Even if I do not get to see her much at least I know that her life is good.

Do I have that faith in a superior being. Yes, and I sure hope that I will be reunited with those in my life that have passed on, but just in my opinion death of a child and the placement of a child into adoption are just not the same.

Grief is a process that steps must be completed, as much as my adoption was painful--I can not imagine those parents pain today as they bury their child.

Maybe it is because it has been 22 years. There are those on here that adoption is much more recent. Also with the increase of open adoption that pain is constant--but definitely different than death..

Anyone else have an opinion??