[adoptingourfirst]

We received a call yesterday from our sw letting us know that our birthmom came in the day before and is now having 2nd thoughts about placing. She hasn't made any firm decisions yet, but she thought that they should know. I was supposed to go to an appointment with her this morning, but that was cancelled via her request. It's not that she doesn't want to place with us, if she decides to place it will definately be us. She's just torn.

Part of me wants to be so mad at her, but I just can't bring myself to do so. I feel so sorry for her having to make such a huge decision. The reality of the situation is that the agency has paid 100% of her living expenses plus so much more in the last 7 months. She has no job, no family, no education. Without the agencies help she will have nothing after she gives birth. She went to WIC three days ago and they told her about all of the programs that they have available and that she would qualify for, so she thinks she can live on that. But she is due to give birth in the next couple of weeks and she hasn't even begun the application process. Personally, I know nothing of these programs, but I am assuming that if they are like any other governmental program they take forever to see any results.

My heart is so sad. Last week we had been told that the cost of the adoption was going to be almost 25% more than what we had originally been told because the agency had given the birthmom so much more assistance than they normally do. We decided after a brief cooling off period (a day )that we would do whatever it took to bring home our daughter. Now we may never get that chance.

I know I need to be patient and see how this plays out. She may realize that at this point in her life she is not prepared to parent, but then again she may not. It is totally out of my hands...I have to give it to the big guy upstairs to handle for me. I'm just so sad.