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I haven't reunited with my child, so I don't have a true story for you, but I'm wondering if it would be so bad if you did cry in front of your daughter and her family, should you decide to attend her party. You could excuse yourself if things get too emotional, but I think your daughter's family would understand, you know?
You can also consider calling your daughter's parents and letting them know you are struggling with this (so they don't think you are brushing them off), and maybe they would also be able to help you put your mind at ease or come up with a plan for you that if you want to attend and you do "break down," they will be prepared to handle things so that it won't feel so awkward for you.
It sounds like you'd like to attend but are just afraid of "over-reacting." I know it's hard, and takes a lot of courage to do somthing like this, but you won't really know how you will actually be on that day unless you try to go. If you don't want to go, that's ok, too, but I get the feeling you'd like to attend.
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