Everyone i was worried noone would respond to me..I must say i really appriciate the time you all took to read and give your opinion..Yes i feel you are correct i was totally blindsided but better that then nothing i say i have always ran away from things i think it was time i got put in my place...Second i must tell all of you i have to go for two reasons, My mother was a drug addict alcoholic who ruined my life starting at 2 till now i remember her telling me i will come i promise and i would wait and wait and wait till the sun went down i would go to my room angry and cry there is one thing i promised my little girl when she asked i would be there i would never be the person to make her cry or let her down..
I found out who my rapist was when i was 7 months a man i knew very well. off that the thing is i need to see her face and hold her because even tho she was a force of nature i could not handel there was not a day that passed that i did not lover her with every part of my soul..When i was younger i thought i wouldnt be able to love her or see him in her but now that i do im proud she is all me all me and full of joy and life i owe myself and her to let go of my hate and fear and accept for once she is a part of my life.
Sorry kinda went crazy there i just need peace in my life. And you all are the begaining to my stepping stone to freedom i never felt more accepted and free to talk about this thank you all of you. I got her a great card thanksgivingmom
loveajax i talk to the birth parents they feel she is strong and she asked to do it alone the never wanted her to feel she couldnt exspress herself
not sure how i feel on that myself yet..Peachy i will be going in September not much time but my job and boyfriend are truely supportive of it..Belleinblue thanks for your concern you are a dear but i cut my emotional unbilical cord with her the day of, i am not her mother and i choose to accept that with adoption i have become greatful and strong she has a mother a father and older sister cousins granparents these are all thing i could have never giveing to her ever in my lifetime so to see her alive happy the words she says and the names she uses (mom,dad) are the one gift i gave her i will allow her to use them to make herself a great person..Bprice you were wise in your decision i wish i had more contact with my emotions when i went threw this but i was young scared and alone but i wouldnt change a thing now but the prayer that i dont loose it when i see her
Again a i hope i got a chance to respond to all of you thank you again..
P.S i sent pics and a letter to her, but i want to know the questions she has been asking i ask the birth family but they are short about it also i want to go to her birthday but i wont know anyone and im afraid i will cry i dont want her birthday memory to be of her crazy crying birthmom..Any suggestions?