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First of all, there have been a LOT of medical advances with regard to treatment of seizure disorders, so it should be just a matter of trying different things to see what works. Depakote is a very common med that your Dr. may have chosen to try first just because of being most familiar with it, but there are a lot of other options, so hopefully they will find something soon that works for your child. You did the right thing by reporting right away that it didn't seem to be working. As someone already mentioned, seizure meds can have a lot of side effects, so it is important to watch for and report any changes that occur when trying a new med.
As for bmom ... one thing that a lot of people don't realize is how little alcohol it takes to cause damage to an unborn child. Even just getting drunk once every week or two can be enough, especially if it is a consistent pattern throughout the pregnancy. Similarly, drinking smaller amounts but on a daily basis can also cause problems (such as maybe a couple beers a day). Bmom is probably in denial and may even genuinely not remember how much she drank.
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