[dakotabluebaby]

I work as a behavioral consultant. First things first get her to a ped. to find out if there are mulitple things going on.

Secondly they way we teach behavior with a child learning to say...go to the bathroom. We praise pulling down pants, then sitting, then start of success (even if bathroom is requested 1/2 way through) then full successes. Then we would stop. also along the line we continue to remind our kids to go, or partial steps, but we never walk through the whole thing...only as much as works.

Trantrums are built a similar way.
First we cry...did it work?
bang our feet....hit our hands...pull our hair... attack objects or others...and so on.

We will stop at whatever level works, or try the next.

By giving in when it gets so far we learn that if we keep escalating we will eventually get what we want. She will only trantrum until she gets what she wants.

You have two choices. Give her what she wants as soon as she cries a little. OR
Stop giving in all together, no matter how upset she gets.
You must choose one or the other, otherwise she will learn a new level in which she will get what she wants. I would recomend putting her in the kitchen or the tub. Sit with her, speak in a low calm voice (even if you can't hear yourself) avoid eye contact. Help her but do not respond to anything she does or says except calmly remind her she needs to be calm and keep her safe, when the trantrum is over and she speaks calmly, then give her a really great alternative for a while since she pulled herself together. Work from there.
AND be forwarned she may tantrum at first for an hour, but it will get better. if you give in it will get worse...meaning longer.

If you are consistent the severity of the problem should drop dramatically in a few weeks. We only do what works. Right now its working for her.

Also, punishment does not work unless paired with an alternative. Spanking will stop a problem for the moment, maybe. It is not a solution despite what our fathers told us. Hope this helps!