[mommy3]

I'm also a full-time working mom who works outside our home, as does my dh. I'm the director of my dept. at a university. When my little one was born, I was finally able to follow the phasing-in plan that I devised for other families so that we could stay home several months after our children were born and then stretch out (or phase-in) our vacation time over several more months so we could not return to work full time right away (if a parent wanted to do this). I've worked full time since I was 20 and almost full time during college, so it's my normal routine. I wouldn't be a great SAHM, I don't think, as I enjoy my work life along with my life with my children. That being said, when I'm being a mommy, I'm with my children, as is my dh, constantly. We do lots of family stuff in the evenings and weekends -- we're not big on "going out" as a couple, but spend that time, instead, with our children.

I don't ever feel guilty about working. It's been our choice to do it this way -- plus I don't know (myself) how families afford things otherwise and am amazed when people tell me how they do it (stay home). I just couldn't swing it, or can't imagine how I'd do it. I was a single mom on purpose (didn't plan to marry my dd's father) first for 7 years before I married my dh, so I was used to "it all being up to me" and loved it when I had my dh to share everything with! While I love work, I will take off, if at all possible, for EVERYTHING my children do, if they are ill, am very involved in their school, etc. I laugh when other moms who also work outside their home say that they can't do something "because they work". Okayeee, now THAT bothers me! Yes, I realize we each have our own work schedules to deal with but the excuse just really gets to me when I know the parent COULD take off but is choosing to not. Ahh, well, I focus on my family instead and try to meet the expectations I have for myself as a mom.

I do have to say that my expectations are very high and that I don't sleep 8 hours a night ever ever ever during the week because I want things to be a certain way and it just takes more time as a result. I also have worked with my dh so that we share a lot of the regular responsibilities around the house; that didn't happen on its own (believe me) but it is "normal" for my dh now to do his part. I don't think of his contributions as "him helping me" but instead, it's stuff that has to get done and he does some of it. That makes a big difference for me, when I compare with friends who haven't gone that extra mile to reel in their husbands (well, it's true) and who do far too much all by themselves.

It helps that I love my career, but then I worked hard to get to a position that I would really love -- this wasn't an accident that I'm "here" now. Plus, it's one of the interesting sidelines of many adoptive parents who ended up havingn to wait a while for each child, so that's given me time to foster my career along the way. susan