[Robbin]

When we were with the county, they were implementing a program called "Family to Family". If the bio parents were at all able, we supervised all visits and (at our comfort) had them to our homes and included them in our activities. We did do that with several families, but did not with a couple b/c they had major MH issues. We started out with visits in the office, then visits at McDonalds playlands (b/c there were people there), then parks, family outings, church activities, dinner at our house. We were able to mentor the parents in some cases. We were able to redirect inappropriate conversations, "I don't think you should be sharing with Johnny your financial/love life/insurance/housing/domestic violence/addiction problems... You should contact the caseworker to discuss that with them." We sent a mother home one time b/c she had alcohol on her breath. We sent the same mother away one time when she came to our door after being beat up by her boyfriend (an ongoing issue of hers) saying you need to keep that away from our house, we will not be involved in that.

We used all of these times as learning opportunities for foster kids by saying, there are certain ways parents need to behave in order for kids to be healthy and she has to learn that in order for RU. This will help her learn to be a better parent. We know that she loves you, but has to deal with her personal issues in order to be a better parent.

I always started the relationship out by telling the bios that I was obligated to report anything that they told me, or that I observed, to the caseworkers. So if there was anything that you don't want the caseworker to know, don't tell me or don't do it in front of me.

I tried to establish a relationship with each bio by being as non-threatening as possible. Each parent, no matter what their mistakes, or how screwed up they were, loved their child in their own way. I tried to build on that.