[Janeytwo]

Hey Jackie and everybody!

I did not do OA and I read what others have and are going through on terms of OA and I think.. better man than I..

I was telling someone the other day how strong I think these young women are who do OA. It is such a double-edged sword. Was it better not knowing, than knowing? How can any of us really answer that when we can only see from our own experience and can't jump into the memories of someone else?

It was terrible not knowing if my children were alive or dead. But knowing their faces, their lives....and still keeping on, keeping on....wow! That's got to take some strength of soul. Just my thoughts.

Your birthmom may not have gotten any counseling.. she may have tried sort her emotions herself.. like a lot of us did..

Or maybe just pushed it to that back closet where it sat festering.

how does one sort this without therapy?
Without a guide to say here there be dragons..

Hmmm. So true Jackie. And that silence? It becomes the dragon. The days of it, years of it. Walking by women in schoolyards ands grocery stores; wondering....do they know? Are they judging me? Scrubbing floors and cleaning glass and adding lemons to the garbage disposal; everything pristine and smelling good to keep the truth away. In my life I have been desparate like a junkie to not see; not feel. Living in shame.

For a lifetime she has kept you at arms length.. now she has to turn around and change.. hard to do..

For a lifetime she has kept her life at bay; watching it through thick murkey glass. Now it has arrived in the form of a child she lost; a child who returns with love and open arms. A gift.

Janey those early women of CUB are so important to me.. Betty Jean Lifton was part of it as well..

I shall look up CUB. I ran across an obituary on an intriguing woman who fought for the rights of prostitutes and beaten wives as well. Her name was Andrea Dworkin (think I'm spelling that right). I am going to do some research. She sounded like quite a woman.


Hugs much hugs!

Janey