[kakuehl]

Carolyn,
I was struck by what you said about having two moms (sorry, I didn't copy the quote). Have you said that to your bmom? Also when you talk/write to her, try using "I" messages: I feel like since Mom died you have pulled back a little. Is my perception accurate? Is it something you can explain? I need you to know that I love having you in my life and I'm afraid I'll say or do something that will make you pull back. (Yeah, I know, it's scary but nothing ventured, nothing gained.)

I would love to have D put into words how he feels about me. Given the fact that he invites me to be part of life events (birthdays, etc.), I feel he wants me to be part of his life. I hope my presence has been a positive thing for him... but we don't talk about that... and like you, I'm afraid to "rock the boat" and ask. I would love to hear the words though.

The fact that your bmom continues to write regularly says to me that she really does want you in your life (regardless of the life she had made for herself without you.) I knew D's adoption was closed and never really expected contact. (I always hoped and I wanted him to be able to find me if he wanted to.) I lived my life assuming I'd never even know if he was alive or dead. I am so happy that he is now part of my life even though I'm finding new "issues" to deal with! I don't know if your bmom's feelings are similar, but they may be. Reunion is a journey with many ups and downs and sometimes with side trips as well.