[Jackiejdajda]

Carolynppk

She and my mother had met about twice, maybe once more, before she died. My mom lived in Indiana and my bmom in Montana. They would write each other on occasion, send birthday and Christmas cards and give small gifts at Christmas and their birthdays. My amom had met my grandmother and her sister (my great aunt) who my bmom lived with while pregnant with me. Everyone had a very nice relationship all around. Me and my amom looked as it as just having more family. My bmom has always been very protective of my amom, wanting me to know that she is my mother and she has always let my mom know she has no intention of taking her place.

Wooooo a big red flag here for me..
I did not do OA and I read what others have and are going through on terms of OA and I think.. better man than I..
Your birthmom may not have gotten any counseling.. she may have tried sort her emotions herself.. like a lot of us did..
Imagine what happened in her mind when she contacted your amom and made sure she did not overstep boundaries.. even tho she may have wanted to.. how does one sort this without therapy?
Without a guide to say here there be dragons..

IMO one makes decisions that are shaky..

Now its changed.. and she is in new territory.. She has some sorting to do..
I once knew a woman that (heck she posted here).. that watched her daughter grow up as the daughter was adopted into a home that was on her street.. she wanted her daughter grow up easy and did not say a word.. kept the secret..
Can anyone remember her nick.. she was a nurse or a doctor..

Listening to some other birth moms, at times I feel very selfish for having contacted her. SHe had moved on with life and everything was very neat. She thought records had been sealed and she never intended to search for me. I feel as if I imposed in her life, but because I was the innocent person in all of this, she has openned herself and her life to me. I am sure this has been very difficult for her, while my adoption was a positive experince, for her looking back it can bring nothing but pain.

No… no no no.. not going to happen.. hiding ones head in the sand does not work..
I do not think you have done anything wrong.. I think you are doing everything right..

I love her very much and will keep contact going as long as she is receptive to it. I am hoping that with time, things will go back to how they were. I tend to rush into everything I do, she is cautious, so the least I can do is give her time and space. As I said either in this post or another, it is hard to build in three years what normally takes a lifetime to build.

For a lifetime she has kept you at arms length.. now she has to turn around and change.. hard to do..



Janey those early women of CUB are so important to me.. Betty Jean Lifton was part of it as well..


Jackie