[mommy2fiveplus]

All of the adopted kids I have seen were the result of relative placement adoptions, this is one reason why I have never fully backed the "family placement at all costs is best" theory that is pushed by the system. There are good relative placements out there, but there are also relative placements that are just as messed up as the original bio families but better at hiding it. Those families are the ones that are not equipted to handle an emotionally damaged and acting out child or neglects the kid and he ends up right back where he/she started with twice the problems and half the potential.

2 cases in point:

1) a foster baby we had for several monthes was taken into care for neglect, (left alone for days) when court TPR'd mom 6 mos later they decided to place with an aunt (mom's sister) unfortunately whe choose to allow her sister (bmom) to provide daycare. Bmom now babysitter left baby unattended for 8 hours while adoptive mom was at work, neighbors reported insessant crying and police walked into 15 mos old with no supervision (bmom was 2 miles away at the bar) and soiled and crying trying to open a jar of peanut butter. Currently the baby is in a foster home and I hear that adoptive mom is "working her case plan", baby is 28 mos.

2) Baby was born drug addicted but mom had entered a rehab 1 week before delivery so baby went home with bmom to rehab after withdrawl. Rehab officials reported violence against baby by mom at 2 mos old, baby taken into care and placed with foster-adopt family (very good friends of ours) with concurrent permancey goals. Baby stayed with foster parents until age 2 when TPR occurred and relative stepped forward to adopt. Cute 2 year old with bonding difficulties (but bonded with foster parents) placed with relatives with a 2 mos. transition plan. Baby is now a kindergartner and was recently returned to foster care because relative adoptive parents had NO TRAINING on bonding issues or likely behavioral issues involved with drug exposure. That cute 2 year old is now a 5 year terror and on his way to residential because he is exhibiting violent behavior towards the current FP kids, He says "that is how you teach somebody a lesson" if that tells you anything about the last 3 years of his life.

I am not saying that all relative placements are poor choices ( I am a relative who adopted a family member) I am just saying that sometimes there isn't just one rotten apple on the family tree and other times the best apples in the bunch are ill-equipted to deal with massive hurdles in a raising an abused/neglected child.