"It's just not possible for a 70 yr. old to raise a newborn adequately."
Kelley, I have to take exception. Such posts are just way too absolute and condescending both to other posters and all women 70+ everywhere for me. There was absolutely nothing patronizing or insulting to anyone in Notamomyet's post; quite the contrary, she took a gentle, generous tone in framing the situation in a different, more positive light. I think the judge you quoted, on the other hand, was, however, deeply, cruelly, and unnecessarily patronizing and insulting if he framed his comments in the way you report. In that situation, if it was not a safe placement, I think that could have been said in a far more respectful and appropriate way. No one should ever be shamed or publicly humiliated for trying to do the right thing by a child. I am surprised that a foster parent would approve of such unwarranted meanness.
I also don't understand how in the world you know anything about GRG42's acquaintance's grandchildren to say "wow that's a stretch" about their potential for success in any particular career! Frankly, I think it is a "stretch" to presume so absolutely that you do.
This specific instance in the op may or may not be truly safe for the baby, we don't really know and the op doesn't really know. We can appreciate her concern for the child and her empathy for her saddened friend without ganging up judgmentally on people we don't even know--and especially without ganging up judgmentally against an entire class of people--all women over the age of 70 who are also grandmothers.
Posters can also, since she asked for help in understanding such situations, offer up different perspectives on the value of the older relative caregiver, one that appreciates and tries to explain the positives of these arrangements. That doesn't make them patronizing or insulting in any way.
So, to the op, sometimes things don't seem to make sense from the outside looking in. FPs, your friend included, may not have all the information there is to have about the family. A lot of distortions and misunderstandings can creep in whenever people are talking about other people in the foster world--especially when/if some of the source is second- or third-hand from a caseworker. Anyway, I hope the child is not actually in danger and that this arrangement will work out for as long as possible. I also hope your friend will find some comfort along the way.
As for the generalizations that have been thrown around here, 70 is not actually that old anymore for many people. My MIL at 71 was in far better shape than I was at 39. At 5 feet and 96 pounds, she was all muscle--quite the little "hard body." She lifted weights in a new mom's excercise group, routinely biked or walked 8 miles roundtrip to her town library, and could easily run circles around me at any family event. DD2 was an infant that year and I distinctly remember one uphill walk when she took the stroller from me so I could huff and puff my way up with a little dignity....
She is 81 now and still walks and bikes, mows her own lawn, gardens, volunteers several different places a week (including taking meals to "old" people), and travels with friends. I wouldn't hesitate to leave my 8- and 9-year olds with her for a weekend.
My dad was still sailing at the age of 80, although his new wife, two years his senior whom he had married the year before--the same year he went to Australia, Fijii and NZ with friends--wasn't thrilled with it. He's turning 86 this month, drives, lives in his own home with that wife, etc.
Well, now I'm rolling. Of course, men get a pass on this, don't they? John McCain is 71, yes? Grandfather, yes? Why does no one say, "hey, look at that feisty grandfather running for president! Go gramps!" Ditto the first President Bush. But a let a woman, even a woman under 40 who has a grandchild do ANYTHING and suddenly that is the headline of the story--"Grandma runs for office" "Grandma fights fires" "Grandma robs 7-11"--it's ridiculous, really, what a fuss people like to make over "grandmas" doing anything real.
Some people age faster than others. I am AMAZED by how many actresses used to be older than me but are now clearly younger! Some are even younger than they themselves used to be!
Seriously, some people stay capable long into "old age." Some are capable enough and that is good enough to enable society to honor the child's right to his/her family and the value that family placement has for that child. You may see little or no value to these arrangements, that's OK, but if others do, please don't put them down for it. And please don't generalize against a whole class of people based on the fact that they are (1) female, (2) working on the third generation of their family, and (3) over the age of--?whatever age you've decided is "too old."