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Proudmum, I'm sorry you were offended. I didn't just say that, someone posted that statement about it being a "courtesy" to "let" them see the child.
That's a statement I've heard for years from numerous adoptive parents who believe that way.
I also have seen adoptive parents who run off and hide from the birth mother for no other reason than jealously because they didn't like how close the child was getting to her and didn't feel the "confusion" was right for "their" child. That is not a good enough reason to stop contact.
It's not harmful to the child to get close to their birth mother or birth family if they are being good to them and there's no abuse and no trying to interfere with your rules for the child. But it's used as a reason to stop contact all the time.
I also believe that the child's safety should come first and IS also the most important thing is the scheme of things, but it's always the adoptive parents who have the right to decide that and if they decide without any real evidence that their child is in danger.
When/if the adoptive parents chose not to let the birth mother see the child and accuse them of being harmful to the child there's not a whole lot she can do about it.
The birth mother has to either fight it in court which she may not have the financial means to do or just walk away and cry because she can't do anything.
You're right not all adoptive parents feel the same way. And not all birth mothers feel the same either. I wasn't trying to say all adoptive parents felt the same or did the same thing. I know better.
But it is one of the reasons that I am so against adoption because the adoptive parents have all the power and control and CAN if they choose to, hold it over that girl and stop her from seeing her child for any reason at all and can accuse her of things she may not be doing and the courts would beleive them. I've dealt with the courts in other situations and I know how they are.
Even in my own situation, my daughter who is over 30 years old is STILL being controlled by her adoptive mother and that woman has ALL the control over my daughter's and my relationship.
My daughter and I can't have an open relatiohship or open contact. We haven't had that right for a long time. My daughter has had to sneak to talk to me because of her adoptive mother's threats of taking her out of her will if she contacts me or talks to me at any time in the future. If she knew my daughter was still occationally emailing me or IM'ing me my daughter would lose everything.
When I post something here, I don't mean to insult anyone or say anything to cause problems. I don't want to start a war over anything I say. That's not my intention.
I just have my very strong opinions about adoption mostly based on my own situation and watching other people in my life and reading things other people talk about concerning adoption and how they feel about things. Sometimes I read things that really strike nerves with me. I think everyone does now and then don't they?
I'm sure a lot of times when something has struck a nerve with me it isn't intentionally said by the person TO strike a nerve with me or anyone else but just speaking their minds too. I hope you know what I mean.
Rylee
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