[carolynppk]

She and my mother had met about twice, maybe once more, before she died. My mom lived in Indiana and my bmom in Montana. They would write each other on occasion, send birthday and Christmas cards and give small gifts at Christmas and their birthdays. My amom had met my grandmother and her sister (my great aunt) who my bmom lived with while pregnant with me. Everyone had a very nice relationship all around. Me and my amom looked as it as just having more family. My bmom has always been very protective of my amom, wanting me to know that she is my mother and she has always let my mom know she has no intention of taking her place.

Listening to some other birth moms, at times I feel very selfish for having contacted her. SHe had moved on with life and everything was very neat. She thought records had been sealed and she never intended to search for me. I feel as if I imposed in her life, but because I was the innocent person in all of this, she has openned herself and her life to me. I am sure this has been very difficult for her, while my adoption was a positive experince, for her looking back it can bring nothing but pain.

I love her very much and will keep contact going as long as she is receptive to it. I am hoping that with time, things will go back to how they were. I tend to rush into everything I do, she is cautious, so the least I can do is give her time and space. As I said either in this post or another, it is hard to build in three years what normally takes a lifetime to build.

Thank you all for your help and insight, it means so much.

Carolyn