[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by LyricallyUnsound

Thanks everybody for the advice.

I'm going in for the c-section this Saturday and I find myself confused and utterly depressed. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel as though in either case, I will end up regretting it for the rest of my life. On the one hand I can keep this child in my family. They seem to think that absolutely nothing will change; that they can just raise it as the guardians and I can go on my way and do whatever I want and it wont be weird at all. But I know that that can't be the case. I know that I'll end up feeling guilty that I could be here to raise it, but I wont be because truthfully, I know that I can't raise it, nor do I want to give up on my entire life. And this will also result in my boyfriend feeling confused as well. Things will never be the same and the child will be just as confused, if not at first then at some point. There's also the matter of telling the wonderful adoptive parents, though I know that I shouldn't be thinking of them first. That's just another thing.
On the other hand, I know that I'll miss it when it goes away no matter what. My mother keeps saying "If you think you'll miss it then you can't give it away" but that doesn't make much sense to me because OF COURSE I'm going to miss it, but it could very well be the right thing. I mean, even though my family would love it, it's going to be very confusing. My mother has a very short temper and is very paranoid, as well as has diabetes, severe back problems, and heart problems. My father is a trucker who's out working quite a bit. My eight year old brother is positively crazy and has ADHD and is a great big hassle. My sister has... well.. her own things. And i know there's going to be extreme difficulty that they aren't seeing. But if I give it away not only do I have to deal with my own depression, I have to deal with watching the grief they go through, which I don't want them to go through. Grief as they take the things they bought for him and give them away. As we all come home with nothing.

****it. I just don't know what to do. And I don't have much time.

No easy answers for you, sweetie. No matter what you decide there is going to be a lot of pain. Which choice will give you the most peace regarding your child? Hard to know, and no guarantees either way.

I can tell you about having a c-section. It wasn't as painful as I thought, but you are going to be on some medications. They take a while to exit your body.

The reason I mention this, I recommend you don't make any decisions while you are in the hospital. Either decide before you go in, or wait until you are home and somewhat recovered.

It sounds a bit like your family feels guilty and that they should take the baby. That makes them nice people, sensitive to family responsibilities.

However, their guilt and feelings are not a reason to make your decision. What do you feel, what can you handle? That is the basis for the decision.

Just to share--my husband was adopted in Germany in 1954 and it has never made the least difference to him. He was (retired now) a career military officer and we have a wonderful family, and have adopted our nephew. So, adoption all around us!

It's OK to want to have a life, sweetie. You are a young girl--a pregnancy does not mean you have to stop the life you planned to have if you had not gotten pregnant.

It's also OK to feel this is your child and want to keep it. Lots of work, being a parent earlier than you planned, but people do it. It sounds like your parents want to support you with this.

Just don't let guilt make this decision for you. Easy to say, but hard to do--I am sorry for that.

Lots of folks on this site sending you love and support.