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Originally Posted by Janeytwo
Dear Lyrically Unsound,
Hi. I'd like to say that I think Oceans advice is excellent.
I am looking back on when I surrendered my babies up, I was just 17. It was hard to know who I really was then, let alone to make such a deep life-altering decision.
I respect you for coming here to get advice. A lot of people your age might not even have the foresight to do so.
One thing I will tell you about adoption. It gets harder to live with as the years progress. There is no denying that but it is survivable if you feel it is the best thing for you and your son.
A couple of things. Your parents wanting to raise your son. I am wondering if that would be a good thing for any of you. That is not to say that their intentions aren't honorable - I'm sure they are.
But in family especially, lines can get crossed. Your parents may come to see your baby as their baby and while this might not be a problem for you now, it may well become one in the future. I can imagine nothing harder than surrendering a child and then seeing that child being raised by others on an almost daily basis. IMO that would be torture. Also, it would be hard on Matt I think.
Even if your parents are hoping to just "bide thier time" in the belief you'll change your mind...still, that is a sticky situation. It also puts you under the pressure of what the ramifications will be to you within your family if you don't do as they want you to do.
You may want to cover that ground with them.
Also, the people in here who told you you don't owe the hopeful adoptees anything are correct. Right now, you only owe it yourself to slow down, get help thru therapy and continue to talk to women in here. Also, continue of course to keep up the communication between yourself and Matt. It sounds like you guys have a solid foundation of respect and honesty which is of enormous help in this situation.
Many people here do understand that the next few months will be difficult. I don't think anyone would say otherwise. But hope you know that they are here for you, if only to hold your hand (e-wise) and listen.
Wishing you some peace today.
Janey
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Well, the reason her parents might think of the baby they adopt as their baby would be because it WOULD BE THEIR BABY. While I do appreciate what you are saying, and can certainly vouch for the fact that family relationships might well change, if this expectant mother releases her child to be adopted by her parents then she will be the child's sister and the child will be her parent's child.
That may not be "what is best" for the expectant mother-I don't know. But I thought we were talking about what was best for the baby. I am sincerely confused...I am not trying to be sarcastic. Are we talking about what is best for the baby or the expectant mother, in the event that maybe what is best for one is not what is best for the other? I happen to think what is best for her is also likely best for the baby, but just to clarify. And I don't mean to sound like I am attacking anyone, because I tend to agree with most all the things posted by the others and do have the strong sense that everyone is very caring toward this young woman.