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Dear Ashley Lane,
Hi. My name's Janey and I'm a birthmother here too.
My heart goes out to you now. I understand those moments spent with your baby, how they keep playing over and over in your mind. This grief is terrible. It is the loss of a child and nothing is harder in my opinion.
How is your support network? Do you have family who are able to comfort you and help you? Do you have a neighborhood therapist or support group that you could possibly contact?
This is a terrible thing to shoulder alone.
It is okay too that you are an "emotional basketcase". Many of us are that; even after years of distance from surrendering our children. You have every right to be lost right now.
You have said that your situation makes it extremely difficult to have kept your baby. Perhaps you could share more on that so that we could listen and help you, support you in what you felt you needed to do.
Also, try to remember to be kind to yourself, take whatever time you need. You've just had a baby and from a sheerly physical standpoint that is a lot for your body to endure.
Keep posting. Many good people are here to listen and to help.
Wishing you some peace today,
Janey
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