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Originally Posted by spicedmama
As a recent "graduate" of MAPP, I sometimes find it difficult that folks forget that the purpose of foster care is to have a safe haven for the child to be placed while the adults work on REUNIFICATION. If reunification is not appropriate then it's biological family placement, and/or foster/adopt. I am very surprised to hear about the Florida law because anyone who has struggled with and through the ICPC process knows that 6 months is a drop in the bucket. It's nothing. ICPC is a very long process, and the biological relatives who fight through it's maze are amazing folks. And believe me, they fight. I think it's as bad as natural childbirth. It's awful. In the time it takes for the ICPC to be finalized I would want the child to bond with their foster family. We were taught in MAPP that they should bond with you, but foster parents should not forget that they are foster and that the child was placed in their homes to be cared for until they can be REUNIFIED with their biological families. (I am speaking about foster only families).
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Thank you for your clear thoughts.
I wish to share that my son has no bio connection to dh or I. My dh was adopted, his sister was adopted, and his brother was adopted. My sister-in-law (my brother's wife) was also adopted.
We did not want to have our lil guy lose his family--the people who have loved him all his life. Yes, the foster family loved him for the year he was there, but we all have loved him since birth, and he loved all of us. A very sweet moment was when we were unpacking his things, and he still had an elephant kite dh brought him from Thailand--very fragile, yet lil guy had it for over three years and it traveled with him from one foster home to another. That one detail---it was such an emotional moment--- we did the right thing, he is in the right place.
I have said all over this site--infants, toddler, little ones who have only known their wonderful foster parents--of course that is where they should be when bparents take years to get their act together. No child should wait that long, and that family bond is there with the foster family. Congratulations, let us all wish you a happy family birthday, the adoption should happen for you.
One poster mentioned elementary school--I assume that person looked at my page. It has been said I made assumptions, I painted with broad strokes, I have no right to say anything about foster parents because I have not fostered. Don't then assume that I have a class and see children walking up and down halls and that is all I know of foster/adopted children.
My job at an elementary school is to work with foster families, surrogate parents, therapists, social workers, the Dept. of Health, etc. etc. I sat at the table with a bio family as they cried and said they had to give up their niece, the RAD was too much. I have listened to social workers tell me in disgust about bparents calling them "Come pick up my kids I don't want them anymore". I sat at a table with a foster mother, a card-carrying member of the "I hate birthmom club" and I declined to join. I also am privileged to know a true guardian angel on this earth, a foster mother of a darling special needs boy, and I celebrate that her adoption will be final very soon. Right now the majority of our preschool children are foster/adopted children, and I facilated the evaluations and meetings for every one of them.
Yes, "try before you buy" is a harsh statement. Got a lot of reaction, didn't it? And some folks said it's true, not nice, but true. Interesting that it's OK to say things like "relatives who come out of he woodwork" or "relatives who show up at the last minute" as though they just woke up one day and said "Oh, shoot, I forgot, I have to go get that kid".
Folks, rarely on this site does a foster parent acknowledge that once a child is taken into foster care it is very difficult to get them back out. Add in living in another state--and we have the situation where the "we have bonded with our foster child, we can't imagine living without him/her" thing happens.
That is my objection. Having a child, particularly a child that has memories of his/her family, adopted outside the family because a calendar shows X amount of time has passed and/or because the foster family has "fallen in love".
It's one more thing to ask of foster families--please leave room in your heart for the love and memories your older foster child has for his/her family. And let this child know it's OK to go home when it's time, whether home is with a birthparent or with the relative.