[mommy2fiveplus]

Stevenstwin

I have to agree with you, I wouldn't call what happened in my son's case reunification. I had met the child ONCE before he was taken into care from his bparents (my cousin) at the age of 13 mos. I had the luck of being the person his bparents called first for advice(since I am familiar with the system), so I knew from the beginning that he had been placed, this does not happen for many birth extended families. I let the social workers know right away that I was an interested bfamily (I am not sure I would have if I thought that there was anytrue chance at reunification w/bparents). After one month w/the first foster family, they asked for him to be moved "because they felt he was getting to attached" they were very new to the system and I don't fault them at all for being scared of loss. He arrived with me and after 2 years of failed RU with bparents we adopted him.

I would not call our situation a bio family RU so much as a returning him to his bio-extended family so that he could be rasied with initmate knowledge of his familial heritage (the good and the bad) and frequent (weekly) exposure to positive biofamily influences such as his paternal grandparents and great-grand parents as well as great-aunt (my mom) who is now grandma. I do not really think that I am a better parent than those foster parents or that I will be able to better raise him, I simply have the advantage of giving him what they could give him (a loving supportive and nuturing home) AND a direct and frequent access to the people that ultimately resulted in his being born (meaning the generations that came before him). I also have the option of allowing him access to his bio parents (probably never his mom, but possibly his dad) if they ever clean up thier act. Because of tensions between foster and bio families and foster families overall lack of knowledge of all possible extended family (not of thier fault) foster families often cannot provide these links that are so important for development of self-image. Some foster parents can, and I have witness some really great open adoptions through foster care, but it just doesn't happen often enough.

IMHO each family has it's own "language" and sometimes it is hard for a foster family or bio-family to learn the "dialect" of the other family to allow for good communication. So it may not be reunification with a certain person so much as reuinification with the "dialect" that is inherently in thier make-up.