[april*rain]

I am at a loss and am turning to the experts - you guys who all know what it is like to parent adopted children. I apologize in advance for what is likely to be a long post.

Ethan came home at 17 months old in April 2005. He was only 16 pounds and barely walking. Fast forward to now, he is right where he should be in terms of physical development. He is very smart and we have no issues there. He is loving, compassionate, creative, funny, athletic, and a real character. He is also, at times, quite defiant and smart mouthed, which I know is typical four year old behavior.

He does seem to be behind socially. He is an only child so is not around kids a lot. He has been going to preschool two days a week for one year. It took him nine months to not cry at dropoff. He had two good months of drop off, and the crying has now resumed. The teacher says he calms down quickly and is fine the rest of the day. It is just that point of separation from me or his daddy that sets him off.

I have no doubt that the teachers there call him a momma's boy behind my back, but I feel like this: my baby had no one to care about him and love for him the first 17 months of his life, and for the first year home we cocooned to promote attachment. I want him to be attached to us! At the same time, I fear that his shyness and problems with separation are going to cause him real problems.

He is being moved upstairs to the pre-k room, and all other kids have transitioned fine. Ethan has not, so now he goes up for the afternoons only the two days a week he goes. I think that anxiety might be the reason for the resumed crying at drop offs.

I don't know what to do. He seems worried about school a lot. For example, at night he'll say "mommy, when I wake up in the morning is it a school day?" If I say "no, tomorrow you're home with Mommy" he is thrilled. When we ask him why he doesn't like school, he just says that he wants to be home with Mommy. His teacher said he does fine there after the first few minutes.

I want to point out that Ethan loves to spend the night with his grandparents at the beach, so it's not that he has trouble leaving us all the time. Just at school.

His birthday is in November, so thankfully he misses the cutoff and won't go to Kindergarten until 2009, when he will almost be six. Inside, I am scared to death about Kindergarten and how he will adjust (or not).

The worst part is that, due to the economy and other things, I am now looking for a full=time job so Ethan will have to go to school at least three days a week. He will either stay with my mom the other two days or will be in school all five days.

I don;t know what to do. Do I pull him out of school and send him to a babysitter up the street who watches other kids (so he would have peers to interact with)? Do I keep him in the school he's in? Do I look for a new school? That worries me because then he will have to get used to a whole new school and routine, and he is not a "go with the flow" kid - he likes to know what is coming, where he is going, and he does not transition well.

I have a call in to the social worker who handled our post placement reports to get her advice. Ethan's pediatrician said to keep him in school, my mom said to take him out. Ugh! Any ideas and advice would be very much appreciated. It breaks my heart to leave him at school crying - - especially since this has been going on for a year now.

Thanks!
Lisa