|
RedboneC,
My DD's birth parents parent and older and younger sister to DD. I knew when we adopted DD that DD's birth parents did not want their families to know about the pg/adoption.
We have an OA with yearly visits (and we talk on the phone, email, we provide updates, etc.). Well, for the first couple of visits, the fact that DD's birth sibs did not know really didn't bother me.
This year (DD just turned 3), it was hard to visit, knowing that we were sort of meeting with the kids under these odd "pretenses," you know? I know it is not my place to tell DD's birth parents what they need to tell their OWN children, but the problem is is that I feel it is not fair to my DD not to be able to talk about them being her birth parents, her birth sibs. I have tried to talk to DD"s birth mom about it and she basically says...it will never happen. (This year, I "warned" DD's birth mom that DD may "spill the beans" and she said if that happened, she would just tell her older daughter that she "misunderstood"...oy!!!).
I am not sure honestly what will happen at next year's meeting. But DD is already "catching on" to a lot of her adoption story and her older sis will be 6.5 then. I suppose I could tell DD"s birth parents that we will meet only with them (where at least we could discuss that they are her birth parents), but it makes me really sad to think of DD not knowing her sisters and being a "secret" in her immediate birth family.
It's really hard all around, but I think you will probably encounter some of these things as your own DD gets older...wish I had the "magic" answer!!! I do think you should TRY to explain to DD's birth mom why you believe she needs to be honest (not only for her own kids' sakes, but for your DD as well). Good luck!
|