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Originally Posted by RobinKay

If you get licensed to build your family, nothing wrong with that, absolutely nothing. But do acknowledge you have an agenda, you are looking to meet your needs as well as a child whose family is in crisis.

If someone is doing straight foster, they do not have the personal agenda of wanting to build their family.

It's not a judgement about who is a better person, it is just a statement of fact.

I am foster only. However, if a child came into my care whose parents had rights terminated and that child seemed like a "fit" I could still adopt by filling out some simple paperwork to become foster-adopt.

I, as foster only, am no different than any other type of foster home out there. I am no more "helpful" nor do I feel like they have an agenda whereas I do not.

The "try before you buy" theory is ridiculous, but I see your point. You're right. Your wrong in your delivery, but in the big scheme of things you are correct. ...We are NOT this child's family, but we ARE willing to take them in at 2am not knowing ANYTHING really about this child. Were you expecting us to decide at that time whether or not we would adopt if it came to that? Impossible. Sometimes we don't even know their name or correct age or what abuse they have suffered......but you want us to decide yes or no right then so that it doesn't appear later to be a "try before you buy" scenario???

Can't be done. However, after several months and possibly years, that child has become a part of our family--not genetically--but a part of the family none the less. But if you think that 6-7 months later and I opt not to adopt that child makes me a "try before you buy" person, you are SO WRONG. How could I possibly have made that decision that first night or even first week? That child was an emotional wreck.....and I had to decide then as not to appear to be leasing to own?? I have to know my limitations and what I can deal with, I have to see if my other children accept this child and if they can behave like siblings, I have to know that this child will not try to harm my own children or the other way around, and I have to see if this child appears to attach to us and love us the way we love them before deciding all that.

The other side of that is, like me, I go into every placement with NO intention of adopting (that's why I am foster only)....but 6-7 months later I may decide that this child is a "perfect fit" for my family and we can see having them in our lives forever. I couldn't have decided that the first night and if TPR doesn't happen it won't even be an issue.

Let me ask you, RobinKay, what would have happened if you had had TWO relatives in foster care needing an adoptive home and could only have taken in one because of their proximity in age? Would you have visited with both to see which would fit into your already formed family the best and if they even like you? Would you have looked at their medical/emotional needs and decided what you could manage? Or would you have looked at a piece of paper with simply their name and age, assumed the info was correct, and chosen one? Because there is a sea of children out there needing a loving home, but I cannot accept just whatever the cw brings to my door. You had a specific child, a relative, in mind. One you may have already known. The rest of us don't have that luxury.

I think if you have never fostered you really have no right to make assumptions about it. You truly have no idea. And as an elementary teacher myself, I know that you may think seeing these families in your building gives you some insight....it doesn't.

You have every right to comment on the hardships of doing a relative adoption, of being given bad advice from a sw, of fighting a foster family who also loved the child.....but do not start insulting the lot of us. I would hate to see what the country would be like without us.

Kim