[kindredspirit]

All I want to add is this.

First make sure it is what both you and your husband want to do. Most states will require both of you to sign your rights away. It is a decision that will last a life time and it depends on the aparents you choose as to how much contact you will have. And have a great support group of family and friends around when you need them. There will be days you will double guess yourself and they will be able to get you through it.

No matter if you go through an agency or private everyone will try to make their lives seem great. As a person from both sides I have seen both the bad and the good of adoption. I know agencies will 'promise' anything they can to have you and so will alot of private parents you contact. You will need to learn to read "between the lines." I was happy to see that you have been doing your research by reading profiles but that is only a small part. There are people out there that write these profiles for the aparents and make them seem wonderful so you really do not get to know the people until you call them.

As a person who gave up a child, I actually had a closed adoption. But if I could do it again, I would want to know the educational back ground (college and profession), family background (race and regelion), personal hobbies, what the looked like, why they chose adoption (besides the fact not having a child.), why they chose the route they are taking over the other ways (ex. foriegn/private/agency). I just want to get to know the person for who they are and see if they matched my personality, sense of homor and if I felt comfortable with them. What their goals would be after adopting, be aware that a lot of aparents will say they plan on being a 'at home mom.' Call them afterwards and find that is not the case.

As a person who has adopted, when my son's Mother contacted us. We started off slow, the first call was only the basic information like our names and profession and hobbies. But the first call does not always tell you what you are really looking for. Sometimes as time goes on, just talking about anything going on in life you get to know the people.

Just ask a lot of questions like an interview and talk to them like you would if you were friends. Oh, as a person going the private way, some times when the calls come through just at a bad time of day you might not get a good feeling but try again. We all have bad phone days, the old saying about the first impression is not always right. Some people are nervous at first.

Adoption could be a beautiful thing is you chose the right couple or single parent. (do not want to leave anyone out)

Hope this helps. Good luck, September will be here before you know.