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Dear Lyrically Unsound,
Hi. I'd like to say that I think Oceans advice is excellent.
I am looking back on when I surrendered my babies up, I was just 17. It was hard to know who I really was then, let alone to make such a deep life-altering decision.
I respect you for coming here to get advice. A lot of people your age might not even have the foresight to do so.
One thing I will tell you about adoption. It gets harder to live with as the years progress. There is no denying that but it is survivable if you feel it is the best thing for you and your son.
A couple of things. Your parents wanting to raise your son. I am wondering if that would be a good thing for any of you. That is not to say that their intentions aren't honorable - I'm sure they are.
But in family especially, lines can get crossed. Your parents may come to see your baby as their baby and while this might not be a problem for you now, it may well become one in the future. I can imagine nothing harder than surrendering a child and then seeing that child being raised by others on an almost daily basis. IMO that would be torture. Also, it would be hard on Matt I think.
Even if your parents are hoping to just "bide thier time" in the belief you'll change your mind...still, that is a sticky situation. It also puts you under the pressure of what the ramifications will be to you within your family if you don't do as they want you to do.
You may want to cover that ground with them.
Also, the people in here who told you you don't owe the hopeful adoptees anything are correct. Right now, you only owe it yourself to slow down, get help thru therapy and continue to talk to women in here. Also, continue of course to keep up the communication between yourself and Matt. It sounds like you guys have a solid foundation of respect and honesty which is of enormous help in this situation.
Many people here do understand that the next few months will be difficult. I don't think anyone would say otherwise. But hope you know that they are here for you, if only to hold your hand (e-wise) and listen.
Wishing you some peace today.
Janey
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