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This must be a very stressful time for you and your family. It's hard to know what the right decision is when everyone is telling you what to do instead of listening to you. I hope you can find some impartial person who knows you and your family well who can help you sort out your options. Do you have a close family friend or clergy member who you can call on to help mediate?
I think this kind of crisis can put any family to test, and I can't really judge from what you told me if your mother's controlling behavior is unusual or typical.
I think I would try to have a real heart-to-heart with her and ask her:
1) Does she really want to adopt and raise another child for 18+ years and put them through college -- or is her plan to help out until you can take over? What is your opinion about this plan?
2) What would her expectations be of you in this parenting deal? Will there be constant guilt trips about the sacrifice she is making for you?
3) What about your plans for college or musical career -- what support had they promised before and would that deal be on or off in both situations? Can they afford to take on another child and send you to college? Are they threatening not to support you if you decide to make an adoption plan?
4) Is she prepared to support you in any decision you choose?
I guess what really concerns me about your situation is that your family is not listening to what YOU want, they are being really pushy about what THEY want. You didn't say this, but if they are threatening not to forgive you if make this adoption plan, or threatening to kick you out or not send you to college -- well then I might have a real hard time trusting my family and I might be more likely to choose adoption because at least that is a choice I can control. (That's just me).
I agree with everyone that you don't need to make a decision before the birth. I would give the potential adoptive family a heads up that you aren't sure what you are going to do. Don't feel pressure that you need to make this decision before or immediately after the birth.
You are in my thoughts.
M
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