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Originally Posted by stevenstwin
Won't they also question why they were rejected by the only parents they have ever known (even if the foster parents desperately want them, they'll still experience it as a rejection) and torn away from their family? Biology alone doesn't make a family. I think it is naive to suggest that as long as they go to a blood relative they won't be "wondering why" or hurting about the loss of people they loved and knew as parents.
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I think it's lot easier to explain that these were nice people who took care of you for a while vs. no one in your (birth) family wanted you. I do not appreciate my point of view characterized as "naive". It is very clear that many people (certainly not all) become foster parents with the idea of adopting. They have a personal agenda, there is no altruistic motive of caring for children in crisis.
I completely understand the concerns about RAD, and I do not wish any child to have that disorder-I see the effects on families working at my elementary school. Without a doubt the system needs to be fixed and move much faster--children should not be with a foster family from birth until 3,4, 5 yrs old waiting for permanency. Transitions need to be done carefully--the adults involved need to be adults and know their role in the child's life.