Some background first, then I'll throw my fit...
I have 2 boys the same age (8rys). My bio son (Z) is gifted and in accellerated programs. My adopted son (M) has a lot of health issues and is in a selfcontained program all day in school. At a glance, you can not really tell which boy is which (they are first cousins as well). Over the years, M has really struggled for every breath, literally. He has a disorder than mimics CF. We have all the complications, but not the genotype. He's had a feeding tube for 5 yrs and we may end up back on it after 3 years off. M has soo many behavior, FAE, delays etc that it would take too long to name all of his diag's. I appreciate how he has struggled.
If one more person tells me "poor M" I think I will scream!!!!
I have always taken the approach that M will survive and lead a productive life. That may not be true and I know that, but I don't really want to treat him like that. I expect him to do chores, clean up after himself and *gasp* be respectful. I don't make him my little slave and I do keep in mind what he is able to do on different days. Z does more b/c Z can do more. I have expectations of M. He folds his laundry, picks up his dirty dishes, keeps his toys off the livingroom floor (after being yelled at
.
The other day we were at a gathering with a bunch of people. Most of them know M, the rest know of him. I yelled at him for doing something. I'm not sure what, but can guess it was stupid like messing with his brother or other obvious thing he knows not to do but does anyway. Some woman I don't really know comes up and tries to get on me b/c I shouldn't yell at him. Don't I know what that "poor boy has been through? How much he has SUFFERED?" How can I yell at him?Why doesn't Z do more for M?
I explained after stepping on pee'd pants so many times, all the marks Z has had from M beating his up, the sassy mouth, it gets pretty easy really. Z is just 8 yrs old as well. Z is NOT a parent, just the big brother by a few months.
I guess it's b/c I don't see M as all of these problems. I see M as a little boy who needs rules, guidance, parenting. Some pertain to his health needs, his extra issues; others are just little boy difficulties. No, you cant play in the grass, it will cause you to stop breathing. No, you can't bring the crawdad you caught inside to sleep in your bed. The list just seems to go on when you are 8 years old, lol. I see what will happen when he's a teenager, an adult. M is more than the last hospital stay, surgery or heartbreak.
Anyway, I just had enough of the POOR M's going around and wanted a "poor mommy" fit.