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Isabo
WOW....Isabo I did NOT know any of that...of course when you are young you only think you know things...lol I am 100% sure if I would have let my mom "in" on my decision I would have known all of the things you said because knowing my mom she would have researched everything!!!! Now just to clarify something...I DID make the decision alone when my mom stepped back...then I listened to the lawyer & went with him to the court house & signed papers without even telling my mom that I had made my decision...I just thought my lawyer was on my side I guess!!! My mom was soooooo hurt that I didn't discuss my decision with her first & years later my brother told me that my mom confided in him that if I would have told her of my decision she would have tried to talk me out of it because she wanted me to keep that precious baby girl...my mom is an amazing woman...EVERY year ON my daughter's birthday my mom called me...never once mentioning my daughter but just making sure I was okay!!! And sadly we really never mentioned her...when I received the email that my daughter found me of course my mom was the 1st person I called...man what emotions we went through & you know after 18 years I found out I wasn't the only one who missed her & hurt for her...my mom did too. She said she never discussed Jordan with me because she was afraid it would hurt me & I did the same for her...she did talk to my step-father often though you know just to ease her own hurt...but the most awful thing is...the GUILT my own mother experienced I never knew that....she told me that when I told her all of this guilt that she thought she put away came back. She said when we hung up she went to my step-father & cried!! She said one thing she always feared was Jordan showing up on her doorstep (she still lives in the house I did when I had her) & she said..."what was I going to say to her when she asked why" & she said she always pictured Jordan hating HER because she let me give her up....my poor mom...funny we as birth parents & probably adoptee don't realize it effects more than ourselves!!! Jordan herself eased my mom's fears & her guilt too!!! Trust me when I say to you Isabo...my mom won't be told of what you said...I will waller in that guilt alone!!!! Thank you for sharing it with me though you made me realize that I didn't really make my decision alone!!!!
Kim
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