[hkolln]

As an Aunt almost to the finalization stage of adopting our 8 yr old niece I can speak from that side. We too had torn feelings with the entire situation. She was with a foster family that faught to keep her from us even after we became licensed foster parents and they hired an attorney. The situation caused it to drag out to 11 mos until the department actually sided with us (of which they appealed but were denied). We were given the guilt trip about "oh your niece is so bonded with us" and "Oh blood does not matter, we are her family" etc...which made us wonder if we were doing the right thing. It was highly emotional for us and we really pondered if we were doing what was truely best for our niece. Even though we were involved 6 weeks into her being placed in foster care, the entire process of becoming licensed and then doing the ICPC (different states) caused a delay in moving her of about 9 months. The main concern was we wanted our niece to know she had family out here that really cared about her and loved her. And to make it worse we were not even told we were interested to the previous foster parents by the SW until Christmas time which was 5 mos after we were involved so they of course thought we came out of the woodwork I suppose. We tried to keep an open communication between them going but they were not allowing us to speak to our niece during the entire placement decision making process...it was hard to not worry about her or decide what was best.

Now that she has been with us for 13 mos she is doing great! She has adjusted so well and proved everyone wrong, even her previous therapist whom specified via an appeal letter it would be detrimental to move her to us. We recently went to visit the previous FP's and some relatives in another state and leaving was no problem...she seems very adjusted to us and we love her as our own daughter. I feel we made the right decision in all this and looking at her I can see it was.

These decisions are so hard...keeping what is best for the child is a hard choice. Kids will grow up to become adults and want family interactions or knowledge. If foster parents can keep that line of communication open then that's great! I just know from from my experience that wasn't going to happen after what we went thru (numerous phone calls not answered or returned) and I'm happy everything turned out best for our niece. She deserves to be happy!

We have always been positive about our speaking of everyone involved...we understand she spent 11 mos with the previous foster family and she loves them. I tell her it's great to love a bunch of people and never ever say anything about what we went thru...just that they love her and she loves them. I don't want her to feel guilty about loving them. I would hope that the foster parents would feel the same way towards our love for her.