[waiting4amiracle]

Good morning. This one is a bit complicated and can really be the source of angst for many folks.

First - before you agree to pay any living expenses for an e-mom you should consult your attorney to be sure the expenses in question are permissible under your State laws. Every State has different laws about what expenses are "permissible" and some may even limit the amount or period of time for which expenses can be paid.

Second - Our lawyer insisted that any permissible expenses we agreed to pay for DD's b-mom were first paid to our attorney's trust account. She would then make payments directly to the vendors/service providers once she received a bill from DD's b-mom.

Third - Our Personal Experience: We had one failed placement for which we paid certain expenses. Our State does not permit us to attempt to recover those expenses (absent fraud). That said, those expenses can be included in your tax return when filing for the Adoption Tax Credit - as long as your AGI (adjusted gross income) does not exceed the IRS limits.

Fourth - Our Personal Experience: With our failed placement, once the b-mom decided to parent any of our obligations and commitments as far as expenses ended. There were a few "straggler" bills which covered the period of time prior to her decision to parent which we covered but any subsequent bills we did not (and were instructed by our attorney NOT to) pay.

In the end this becomes a very personal and somewhat legal decision so you really have to rely heavily on your attorney to guide you and advise you appropriatelty. This is one of the reasons why having a Quad-A attorney is critical to your adoption journey.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you'd like more information.

Peace!