Hello and thank you for a place to be heard and to share. This forum provides a priceless service for members of the adoption triad, especially for me because I don't know of any support groups in my local area of south Florida.
My name is Charles, I am an adult adoptee, adopted at birth from The Gladney Center in Fort Worth, TX. I have had a difficult time coping and moving on with my life from as far back as I can remember.
I deal with low self esteem, abandonment issues, difficulty communicating , and depression on a daily basis.
Something woke up in me recently that made me want to start searching for my Bmom. It's become something of an obsession and I will not stop until I exhaust every possible avenue.
My reasons for wanting to find my Bmom are as follows:
-Medical information( I suffer physically and mentally)
-Tell her I am ok and that I understand why she put me up for adoption
-To know if she is ok
-I yearn to know my roots so deeply it hurts. I feel like I was dropped from the sky and the fact that my Aparents divorced when I was 5 didn't help. I never have felt a connection with my Aparents.
- I want to know if I have any siblings.
I always use to fantasize in public and wonder, "what if"
The list goes on but these are my main motives.
I have already received my Non-ID from Gladney. While it's something, it's not nearly enough.
Next, I registered in the Voluntary Registry and was told there was no match.
My most recent step was sending out the Direct Post Adoption Contract with the $350 fee
They asked me to start thinking about what I want to write in a letter should they find my Bmom. I have a pretty good idea of what I want to say but I would like some help as far as wording and tone, and maybe questions I haven't thought about.
As of today I'm not sure if I WANT to meet my Bmom. I feel like such a failure and don't want to burden or effect her negatively.
But I am doing this because it's my only option and I will do whatever it takes.
Thoughts, Advice, comments, and questions will be very appreciated
Who knows maybe someone on here knows something I don't and can help me in my search. But mainly this is to help me get through this DIFFICULT time.
The waiting game...
