[blessedbybug]

I read alot of blogs. It has been good for many reasons, most especially to examine adoption from other viewpoints to get the full perspective. I started reading because we haven't had alot of contact with our kids' other families and I wanted to gain some insight into why they might not want a relationship after they asked for it and committed to it right along with us. And to understand what they have gone through and continue to go through.

And after our first placement I was left with alot of mixed feelings about adoption because I fully realized what I had been thinking all along, that my child had suffered, and not by her choosing, a great loss in her life being separated from her first family. As much as I wanted to be THE only mom, the reality is that I wasn't. I couldn't deny her life before she met us, even though we were there when she took her first breath. She still had another mom. These blogs, as hard as they have been to read sometimes, have taught me how important it is to recognize that for my child. And recognize that most probably, most definitely my kids will be going through at some level the hard spots that many of the writers are. And I need to be prepared to help them through it.

Honestly when I started reading I was deeply grieved and defensive by alot of what I read. I continue to be saddened by all the hurt that people feel but I no longer feel like I have to defend myself and our family's decision to adopt because even though at time I get frustrated by the sweeping "all" or "nothing" statement that are made and sometimes the amount of disrespect I feel because other choose to generalize, I realize that it is the bloggers space to write about their journey, and really in the end, I have to examine how our children came to us and see if I fit the generalization. And for the most part I feel we did our best to ensure the expecting/new parents were treated with respect and offered the opportunities and resources to possibly keep the family together.

SO read. And let it sink in. Don't be discouraged but allow what is being said to give you a chance to examine motives and beliefs.