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Both of my children were adopted from the foster care system as newborns. I brought them home straight from the hospital myself. They are now almost three and almost four years old. My son who will be four on July third is noticing skin color and is very confused. He has told me that I can't be his mom because I am white on more than one occasion. He has told me he WANTS a brown mommy and daddy. He has asked about his brown mommy and is clearly all on his own starting to make connections and WANTS connections with those who look like him. I have to say I expected this but not at such a young age. And this from a mom who is totally aware of the problems transracial adoptees can have. A mom who tells them how beautiful they are and buys them toys of all skin colors and reads them books about people with different skin colors.
Do I think my son is going to be miserable growing up in my family and be doomed for life? No of course not, but I understand the value of being around people who look like you and for many of our kids that is not a reality. I don't shrug that off as a non issue or make my son feel silly for having those feelings by telling him it does not matter. His feelings matter and raising a child of color is not the same as raising a child who looks like you. It just needs special care and understanding in order to be able to arm our kids with proper self esteem.
Most people don't understand or don't try to understand what life would be like if they were the ONLY white person in their town or workplace or school or family. Some think it just does not matter. I think it does matter. It does not mean our kids are doomed or that we will be bad parents but I think we need to be aware and have training to figure out that it does have meaning for our kids.
And again, my black children did not languish in foster care and were not moved from home to home. They were not abused. I would not shrug this study off so easily.
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