[mellaf]

How to deal with the end of the honeymoon period When the real behaviors come out of hiding, the gloves come off and you're blindsided with the angry words that are spouted now that they're more comfortable with you.

When things are good, it's great. We're first time parents anyways, so dealing with discipline issues is really difficult.

There are days like today, where I really didn't LIKE her very much. I absolutely love her already and I'm terrified that I'm going to let her down, like all of the other placements she's gone through. This is a pre-adoptive placement, but still concurrent planning with no TPR is sight. There's a lot of history and issues with her. We realized that going into the match and we know what's happened in the past with placements.

I know this time was coming, I had read up on attachment issues, I lurk on these forums constantly, but it still didn't prepare me for the swirl of emotions that start as soon as we're hit with stuff like "I really don't want to hate you, but I will" or "I can have my bags packed tonight" when she is faced with consequences of not following the agreed-upon rules.

Our SW's are great, the therapist is too, we have a good support system as well. It's just the first time jitters when we're having an off day and arguing or snipping at each other that makes me wonder (for about 2 seconds), whether we're actually ready.

I talked to the foster parent helpline we have in MA tonight and it really did help to talk with someone who's familiar with what FP go through on a regular basis with the stresses we endure.

Then I called my mom crying because I felt like a big ol' failure when Sparkle had her tantrum and was trying to guilt me for not giving in. I apologized a million times for anything I may have put her through as a teen. I would have flipped if my daughter had talked to some guy online and met him in person (Hubby and I met on an online penpal site, before the age of "To Catch a Predator" and MySpace).