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Blazingsaddles - My heart was breaking when I read your posts. You are not to blame and shouldn't feel bad about things that are not your fault.
I'm still trying to come to terms with our decision to disrupt our foster/adopt placement last fall. We still really want to adopt but have really cold feet after what we went thru. When they were placed we were told that the court dates for TPR were five/six months in the furture...the weekend they were placed in our home, we got notice in the mail that the children were due in court in two weeks!!! That and all the other things we were lied to about made us think that the state was hoping we'd finalize before the kids were done honeymooning. Turns out we had no honeymoon at all and the frightening behaviors began almost immediately.
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