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Originally Posted by keds
Denisesmom - hang in there! I'm not sure how to reply/post very well either and I've been doing this for awhile! 
To answer your questions - bson is 28, has mom, dad and step-mom and 2 sisters (dad's kids with step mom). I haven't asked him what's going on in so many words - e-mail every month or so asking what's up (he's quick to respond and always cheery) but I'm always initiating contact, making myself available, etc. It's only since bdad and bsiblings have "decided" so to speak not to meet him that he's been distant (not sure if it's related or he's just busy). I'm a little sensitive, I guess.
I have a whole album - his life in pictures so to speak - and he told me there is a place in his life - I have to remember it's a place not "his life". Anyway, I am going through the 5 stages of grief - for sure! Denial that this was going to be as good as it gets, Anger - why doesn't he want to spend more time with me - I'm fun, loving, caring, and I'm in between anger and depression (not sure I'll get to acceptance and I skipped bargaining - who would I bargain with!).
I don't think he feels guilty because I have had no contact with his family and vice versa - he must get the compartmentalizing his life gene from me! I'm hoping to meet his girlfriend in the next year or so but maybe not. I always want what I can't have. Let's stick together and try and work through all of this -there is pain on all sides but, like you, I have trouble making sense of it all. I'm on the road for the next week (posts are limited to between flights) but send me a message any time.
(((HUGS))) |
I got a short impersonal email today from Denise. I didn't know what to say. She did not ask for me to interact, nor did she ask how I was ect. So I answered back just as short, but can't be impersonal. Again stated I would love to have conversation with her.
I wish I could tell her how much I love her but in the very beginning I think I was too open and I don't think that is what she wants. She has said that she is on a quest for information. I think that is all she is wanting. It is me who has hoped for a relationship. I know some make it to that but I don't see it for us unfortunately. How I would love to have my daughter. This just sucks. I wish someone who has had a good experience would post so it would be possible to see some hope. I am trying to be realistic. I have a friend who just can't get why I am so emotional about this. (and she is a therapist!!!!) I truly don't think any one who hasn't gone through this level of rejection can possibly relate. I just don't.
So what do you mean when you say "I knew he knew who I was as I had told him a lot of my crappy bits and he still wanted a relationship.. it was equal after that.. ". What did you do for the year? Just stopped trying to communicate? That is what I am doing. No more pushing, no asking. Just tit for tat. If she initiates contact I am giving back to the exact extent she is giving. I was telling this friend of mine that I have to
have to protect myself too. I hope that does not sound selfish, but I have learned the hard way that when you are down and out you really only have yourself. Being alone, if I allow this to eat me up I will not be able to care for myself at all. Is that what you meant by having a sense of personal power? I feel better when I feel that I am protecting myself and not just being batted around by others.