[hucklebug]

I am hoping you can help me better understand institutionalization. I have read in many books how you should not expect eye contact over a period of time - in some cases a long period of time, detachment issues, delayed speech, a number of signs the collective result of life in an orphanage.

My husband and I have recently had an experience where we met with our child in a Bulgarian orphanage. After day three we experienced a breakthrough in that the child seemed content to be with us and comfortable (he was shy up until that point - understandably so). We played ball together among other activities. However, when playing or socializing with the child there was no or limited eye contact. He also did not respond to his name, imitate a smile, clap his hands, etc. He is 19 months old. He does not speak however, does point and does show you items he has collected (initiates contact by sharing a toy etc.). After a while, when he was comfortable with us, he also started to verbally babble. His playing is that he enjoys stacking blocks and playing ball. He had a peculiar habit - when scared or upset, he would walk backwards with his hands in the air. Not flaying but just arms in the air with hands folded forward in a limp position. This was repetitive i.e., when frightened he would do this. My husband and I do not have children or do we have family with children (I could kick myself for not paying more attention to friends children's behavior). The behavior appeared odd but then again, what do we know.

We expressed concerns over signs of autism. Our IA doctor faxed us information in Europe on detecting signs of autism i.e., speech delays, pointing, eye contact, etc. This really bothered me because I thought life in an orphanage and limited contact with a permanent caregiver would also result in delayed speech, detachment issues, etc.

We are back home now and are trying to understand if we could make the decision to adopt a child regardless of a severe handicap. We are leaning towards "yes" but we are worried.

I would so greatly help if anyone could help with this question. Can you really differentiate between institutionalization and autism? SHould I drop the fear and even if my fears do come true, so what?

Thank you for your help.