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Thanks again for the other replies. Bmom says they don't talk or have any kind of relationship as friends (she has also removed him from her MySpace friends, he has done the same to her). She says he contacted her after DD's birth to apologize for everything, but I also believe (based on MySpace snooping) that she has tried to contact him. She attended DD's baptism last month and mentioned to one of my relatives that she had invited bdad but he didn't want to come (she and I have yet to talk about this, because I don't think she should have invited him without asking us if that was okay, if this is what really happened). I don't think he asked that we not know anything about him. She has readily volunteered all kinds of information about him when we asked. I don't want to speak ill of bmom, but sometimes, I think because of her young age and other factors in her life, information she passes on is not 100% reliable, so that's part of why I'd like to get in touch with bdad and get information about his life from him.
Also, I have printed pictures from MySpace. I suppose this is snooping, but they are on a public site and I feel like, while bdad has a right to privacy, DD also has a right to know about where she came from. I am keeping the pictures and other information (his full name (got from bmom) and any family or military info I can find) in a safe place for her.
Cjmeck, I think you're right too that he may have a different attitude in a few years (when DD is more aware of adoption) and that he might have matured and changed given his military service and getting a chance to grow up and experience life a little.
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