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Thanks everyone. DH and I were talking about this last night and we agreed to discuss it with J (birthmom) in a few months. I feel awkward about asking her to be a go-between, too, so maybe I'll ask her if she would be willing to give me his email or contact info so we could write to him ourselves. I think she may be upset by the idea, but I also hope she knows we want to do this for DD and that it doesn't take away from our commitment to building a relationship with her. It’s still early yet, but I also don’t want DD to miss out on many years of having a relationship with her birthdad.
Like some others have said, I guess I just wish I knew what he was thinking. I think at the time of J's pregnancy, he was scared and just wanted the problem to go away so that was why he didn't want to be involved. If I contacted him and he said," no, leave me alone" at least I would know where he stood. I don't get the feeling he "requested" closed adoption, I get the feeling he didn’t want to involved in an emotional situation probably to protect his own feelings.
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