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Originally Posted by Oceans
I’ll answer from my POV (obviously not for Belle). When I hear (or read) someone saying that it was “meant to be” then they are taking away a bmoms right to choose - as if this were pre-ordained by God. In my belief system, God would not cause me the emotional pain I have experienced as a bmom, just to make someone else a parent. Wouldn’t happen…
Choices were made which resulted in making my son’s parents – parents. In my situation, God didn’t make that choice, I did…
Personally, I would be pretty upset with Him if I knew He used my body and my life to fulfill someone else’s destiny… My Priest would have to re-explain the whole "Free Will" concept to one angry birthmom... LOL
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This is one of the toughest issues I've encountered with adoption. I truly do feel like my DD was "meant to be" part of our family because she fits in our lives so perfectly and wonderfully, but I also can't reconcile that with the fact that her birthmom had to go through the pain and uncertainty and ridicule involved with an unexpected teenage pregnancy just so I could be a mom. If God “meant” for her to be part of our family, didn’t that mean that He meant for her bmom to experience all that trauma and pain?
Maybe, I think, it’s like two people meeting while in a concentration camp during WWII and after surviving the war, getting married and having children and all that. Could these two people say they were “meant to be together” when so much pain was involved in their getting together? What about the children that came out of that marriage? Were they “meant to be” or should they never have been because of the pain that so many people should not have had to endure for their parents to meet.
Maybe “meant to be” just means that God sees what’s happening. He sees the pain of an unexpected pregnancy and sees the pain of a couple who desperately wants children and He tries lead us all through. I don’t think this negates free will of course, but I do think that God gives us hints about what course we might take. Maybe He put on the heart of a e-mom who was struggling to decide what to do to consider adoption. I know He put on my heart to call the agency and start filling out all those papers.
I guess everyone will have a different take on this. I like the idea that God was trying to bring us together, not because He wanted someone to be in pain, but because He wanted to bring something good out of something that is inherently painful and traumatic.