[crick]

I think you might consider changing your perspective a bit on things you read.

I read posts here by everyone and while yes, I do see some that play the "blame game" you mentioned, overall what I see are things to remind me that not everything in adoption is this rosy picture everyone might come into it thinking it is. But that's okay, imo, because a piece of adoption does involve loss and it's important to be aware of that. I also am reminded that being well adjusted, ethical, happy and productive does NOT mean life without challenges or grief or anything other than the perfect life.

I had challenges in life too and I'm not adopted. I might vent or discuss some of those issues, but does it mean overall I'm not any of those things listed above? No. Adoption tends to put this expectation on people that they have to be a certain way and we all do it, regardless of the way we are a part of adoption. It's an unfair expectation though because we are all entitled to have a full range of emotions and opinions without being labeled as unhappy, bitter, blaming, unloyal, or whatever else we might use.

I'm also an amom who is affected by adoption in ways that isn't so perfect. I post about those and I vent too. I might even "blame" adoption at times although really what I'm doing is not blaming but incorporating it and reacting to some things that happen because of adoption. Again, doesn't make me a messed up person, imo. Like everyone else, I'm just trying to do what I need to do to help my kids, help myself and understand things better. To learn. That is just what an adoptee or firstmom is doing too. Why can't they have some sadness or anger even without being pigeonholed as "messed up"? kwim?

I see a lot of posts from aparents too that make me go "huh?" so it's not just an adoptee/first parent "issue", imo.

Is love enough? Well, I don't think love is enough in any family, regardless of adoption or not. Every parent should strive to provide their children with much more than love. Love doesn't feed anyone or clothe them. Love doesn't teach a child morals or ethics or how to become self sufficient and productive. It takes a balance of so many things to be a good parent. All the material things in the world will mean nothing if there isn't much else. It's all things...

For me a really important key for an aparent is to remember that there's another part of my child to nourish. To remember that there is a piece of them to learn about and to be aware of but again, it's a PIECE, not their whole being.