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Originally Posted by oceanica
I just want to end up with a happy, ethical, well adjusted and productive human being who realizes that I love her more than anything.
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Wow - every parent's wish...right?
There really is no way of knowing how adoption will affect our children...I have 2 cousins, both adopted, lived in the same household all their lives with my aunt/uncle (well, my uncle now - my aunt passed away) and they have very different views of adoption. Neither are bad views, but they are quite different.
I think one of the main things we can do as adoptive parents is keep an open dialogue with our kids about their adoptions, and ALWAYS maintain compassion and integrity when talking about their firstfamilies...and let them know that it's OK to talk about them as well.
The other day my 6 year old and I were talking about his firstmom and he said his "mind is messed up" trying to understand why he has 2 moms but only lives with one. And this was great that he opened up and that we could talk about it.
Now, this doesn't mean he won't be one of the "seriously messed up" people you talk about, but we are doing everything we can to make sure he feels comfortable expressing any confusion/anger/sadness whatever he may have...and although I'd never wish those feelings on anyone, even if he does have adoption related issues, I wouldn't trade the opportunity to be his mother for anything in the world.
Also, (and I'm sure you know this) I'd be careful not to overcompensate with the material things...My uncle has done this for year, and it's really backfired.
Good luck on your journey, and don't get discouraged!