I am in a closed adoption and yes, that pressure was there tenfold in the beginning. I don't really know how to explain it but I felt like my kids had experienced several losses that they shouldn't have and it was up to me to "make up" for it. Not that I consciously set out to make up for anything because I logically knew that wouldn’t happen, it’s just how I started to behave.
I did really dumb things too. Example…first day home alone with them, I got this bright idea that a full scale cooked breakfast would help show them what a “good” mom does. An hour later covered in burnt toast, runny eggs, special waffles cut out with cookie cutters that I think the dog licked, juice on the floor and hungry kids, I gave them all cereal which is what they wanted in the first place. Lol!
I don't have another mom physically in the picture to "prove" anything to but in the beginning I felt like I was competing with this entity almost. Like a new wife might see her husband's first wife who passed away and all the memories he shares are full of her awesome cooking and how wonderful she was. I knew logically not to “compete” or to take things personally, but it was a learning process for me emotionally. Had to learn to separate all that out.
I think the factors of their previous life & them being older had more to do with things than just the adoption factor though.