I think when you are not in that situation, it doesn't really make sense. We have a very open adoption with A's bmom and their extended family. Whenever I mention that we have spoken to her or are going to visit its usually met with uncomfortable silence and then 'oh that's nice.' Even my stepmom who totally gets the whole OA thing and why its important to us sometimes is at a loss for words as to what to say. With O his mom wanted a closed adoption, and I hope that someday she changes her mind... when people find out that she wants it closed they think its a good thing... I think they just don't understand, I think really until you are in the midst of it, you cant understand. I mean I think back to before we adopted A and the thought of having to have any kind of contact was really weird... but I am so glad that I trusted my gut and did all the research I did because I think its a wonderful thing !
As for studies, I know there are some out there. But I come from a large blended family (aside from my grandparents no one is married to the first person they married or the one they had kids with) so to me, A's bmoms & her family are kinda included in that group. They are just a part of our family. I have 6 siblings but only one that is a full blood sibling, and only 3 of the 6 I was raised with but I always knew and understood that they were my brothers and sisters. It was just a comfort thing with my family, no one was a 'secret' or whatever. That kinda of understanding is something that I try to foster with our adoptions. I realize I am rambling - lol guess I need to have some more coffee ! (or less)
gina.