Hi!!
Things have been rough over here too!! Just starting to get better (I think
)....
I've been doing a lot of reading. I have agree that Love and Logic is a great suggestion. It's about handing the problem back to the child and natural consequences. Good stuff!!
Also, I saw another poster mention the "re-do". For example....child talks back or child hits another child etc. Make them re-do the scenario in the same physical location shortly after the transgression occured...although this time they will do it the *right* way. (i.e. answering correctly/politely or sharing). Sometimes the child needs to cool down for bit before they are ready to do a "re-do". Anyway, I read that has to do with "muscle memory" and the brain remembers the good behavior because it is more recent and it in a sense erases the bad behavior....BTW, at first this went kinda weird and now DD is OFFERING to do a redo!!! How funny!
About the talking back and threats....handle them no matter where you are and try to remain calm. We had some major talking back going on and I had to stand in the middle of McDonalds play area as two Latinas GLARED at me and tell my DD (who is very Mayan looking) that she couldn't answer me that way. I explained that I would wait there with her until she was able to appologize and look me in the eye as she did it. Well, she laughed, she said sorry laughing as she looked out in the air above me, she said sorry again not looking at me...etc. I just stood my ground and said I'm not floating in the air up there. I'm right here. She cried, she whined, etc. etc. FINALLY she got it...I wasn't kidding and she truly told me that she was sorry!
Oh, BTW, my DS noticed the GLARING latinas too (ha, ha!!!)...He said, "mum, did you see those two hispanic ladies looking at us the whole time?"
Hope this helps a little!!! Hang in there girl!!!