[athikers]

This has nothing to do specifically with the transition to living with birth family, but I see it discussed here as it has been several places.

I have seen this said many times on this forum about notes from former family (foster or bio) being inappropriate if they say "I love you and I miss you". I say that in every single letter to my two pre-adoptive kiddos that went on to live with birth family and I don't think its inappropriate. I don't wallow in it. But, I want them to know they are loved and missed. And, when they left, they left with scrapbooks of their time here containing hundreds and hundreds of pictures. I also don't think that's a bad thing, its a record for them of their time here. One is too young to remember so without the book, he would have no "memory" of us and we were a very important part of his life for awhile. He deserves to know, when he is older that he was well-cared for and loved during the time he was not with his family.

I do "get" that if it is traumatizing the communication should stop. And I've told their birth family repeatedly that if they want us to stop sending letters, they just need to say so and we will honor their request.