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How to bond?
I have 3 children currently that we plan to adopt if the TPR takes place as planned. We have a 1 year old girl, 3 year old girl, and a 5 year old boy.
They have been in care 15 months now, and during that time they've been in 3 homes besides my own. All of the other moves was due to divorce on behalf of the foster family.
I'm just wondering what I can do to facilitate bonding with the 3 and 5 year old. There are so many things that I did differently with my bio children, but we were already bonded at that age. For instance, the 3 year old wants me to lay beside her every night, while she falls asleep. I NEVER did that with my 4 older children. Should I follow the rules that I want in the long run, while the children bond and adapt to our home, or should I do things like that, just for the sake of bonding. If she were already adopted, I'd just let her sleep with me. (I did this with all of my bio kids...and no, it wasn't difficult for me to get them to quit sleeping in my bed).
The 3 year old will call me "mommy" when she's happy with me...and "Michelle" when she's not. She's asking to go back with her "Mommy Jamie", which was her other foster mother. One minute she's telling me that "Mommy Jamie" kicked and hit "Daddy Joe" and the next minute she's telling she wants to go back.
I've always tried to love and treat my foster children just like my own, but my love has always been the "Aunty" kind...not the this-is-my-kid kind. Knowing that these kids may wind up being my children makes the feelings different, but I know I can't force them to feel the same way.
Any websites anyone can suggest? Any suggestions of facilitating the bonding process?
TIA,
Michelle
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