Your post really touched me and brought me to tears.
When I had contact with my bmom I was a complete mess, so many emotions come to the surface it's terrible.
You have (and still are) going through so much, honestly I know exactly how you feel, my bmom also accused me of ruining her life, (how nice) you are so right we have done nothing to deserve this. With my bmom it was all about her feelings and never mine, I could hardly function somedays, I felt and still do sometimes just awful about it all. why this,why that, I drove myself crazy. I'm so angry too but I don't want to be, I want to go back to being the person I was before, sorry to go on about me but I really want you to know I understand you, I know your heart is broken.
I know someone will have some good advice for you and I will check back, for right now here comes many hugs....
take care.